so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
