She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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