Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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