great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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