the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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