either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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