Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
