I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
