May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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