The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
