her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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