Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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