someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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