All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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