well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
