sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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