is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
