I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
sarcasm needs its own font
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm just crazy horny about you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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