just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
