So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
