legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
