My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
