you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
