He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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