Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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