I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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