Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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