They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i dont even know how to be here
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You were trust falling into bushes
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
