i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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