Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
