I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
