Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
