Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
