Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
