Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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