She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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