i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
