I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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