how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize