My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize