You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
