If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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