Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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