I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
