Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
