My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
