I am spending my child support on dildos
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
