She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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