I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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