I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
