If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
