There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
