Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
