It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
