I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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