Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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