shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
