I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
