i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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