Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
