Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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