Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
