i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
