Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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