I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
