Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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