Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
