im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Fuck appropriateness.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
