I can tuck mytits in my pants
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
