Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
